Desperate Geoff's dancing dilemmas ...

Desperate Geoff

Dear Agnes ,

Well, it started like this, everybody wanted to dance with me , must have been my personality and quick wittedness together with a very good personal hygiene regime.

Can you help, all the good looking dancers now shun me !, women as well, am I too good? Do I put them off ? Do they feel they have had the best of me ?

What do I need to change ? , venue , attitude ?, clothes ??

Desperate Geoff

P.S Love that move called the pretz ? c'ant even spell it , never mind perfect it ! Just off to see my personality coach.

Dear Desperate,

Well, dear it's the age old story man joins Ceroc, man gets out of beginner class, man becomes half decent dancer, man becomes self absorbed and repels women, men and most other things with a pulse within a 2 mile radius.

Reading between the lines I notice that you mention 'good looking dancers' (non gender specific, a bit of a worry here but it takes all sorts!!) but fail to mention if you are in the same category? I'm taking a stab in the dark and saying no. Maybe you should lower your sights a little, god knows those poor people that have been giving you 'pity' dances so far have had a go dear.

As for all that money that you are throwing away on a 'personality coach', (you can say psychiatrist, don't be ashamed lots of people are a little unbalanced these days), I'd save my money and buy a huge humble pie and 'dig in!'.

Best of luck

(P.S. if you find that you still suffer from these delusions there are some good self help books in Smiths, hope this helps).

(P.P.S your spelling is atrocious dear, it's spelt PRETZEL, like the snack).

Desperate Geoff

Dear Agnes, I have read and reread your comments, discussing them at length with my personality coach who just happens to be my mother !, she says I am one of her better looking  sons and a very good dancer , for my age.

I have decided to continue my role as a taxi dancer at Harrow on Thursdays, it would be a "pity" if I didn't continue helping others to help themselves.

Mummy has promised to make me a humble pie and I,m going to make sure

everyone gets a slice tonight.

PS   I've been in Smiths and couldn't find any delusional books, but managed to buy a dictionary but cannot find pretzul !!

Desperate Geoff

Dear Desperate

Well that says it all and explains a lot dear! A face only a mother could love and still cooking for you at your age. Your original message screamed pizza for one and my instincts didn't let me down! Ah well as a taxi dancer you do a valuable job just don't abuse it or they will have you de-badged quicker than you can say "desperate dyslexic who's still tied to mummy's apron strings"

Enjoy your pie dear (you might need a large piece!)

Bon Appetit

Eric's venue woes ...

Eric

I cannot find a venue near enough to where I live and it takes me ages to get to my local one in Stevenage!

Eric, accountant

Well judging by your vocation dear I'd have a guess that you live alone? And dancing is the only chance you get near a woman that isn't you mum? (Who probably lives with you?) Then you need Ceroc more than most as a social outlet when the library is closed. 

My advice is MOVE! It's not like you have any ties is it? Move closer to your venue and then hopefully you can meet a nice girl with the same hobbies as you, although best not mention that you have your mum living with you as it can be a bit of a turn off to some.

No need to thank me dear I'm here to help.

Lonely Anna's lament ...

Anna

I started to go to Ceroc in the hope that I would meet a partner as i have been on my own for some time however this has not happened.  Do you have any advice on how I can increase my chances of meeting someone?

Anna; Librarian Hemel Hempstead

Your main problem Anna is that you sound desperate, men can smell that a mile off.  Some see this as ideal as they won't have to work too hard but for many it's a big turn off.  I dare say that your vocation is a real conversation stopper too! 

Luckily for you I have been advising someone called Eric who is in a similar position to you and he sounds like he really needs a woman, other than his mummy (who lives with him so that's a bit of a 'heads up' for you dear).  Still, beggars can't be choosers eh?

I'll forward on your details to him (best not to worry about a picture at this stage, I'm guessing you make your own clothes?)

Happy to help.